What To Do When Your Parents Don’t Approve

Congratulations, you’re getting married! The first thing most excited brides do is tell their parents. If telling yours revealed they don’t approve of your upcoming marriage, your joy has probably turned to shock, anger, or sadness. Here’s how to cope.

The first thing to do is to think about why your parents don’t approve. Do they feel you are too young? Do they not like your fiance? As difficult as it may be to do, you really need to look inward and think about their protests. Are you still in school? If so they may be afraid you won’t finish if you get married. You need to address their fears and reassure them. Speak honestly and without making accusations or getting emotional. If you scream and cry you’ll just reinforce their belief that you are too immature to get married.

If their disapproval is due to your choice of fiance, again you must consider the reasons they don’t like him. Is he a great deal older than you? Has he been disrespectful to them, or to you in their presence? Does he have a substance abuse issue, a criminal record, or does he refuse to get a job? These are all good reasons for a parent to disapprove. Parents want what’s best for their children and sometimes see red flags that their children don’t. If your parents don’t like your fiance for any of these reasons, please think long and hard about things and try to see them from their point of view. You may end up thanking them!

On the other hand, if your parents disapprove because of your fiances race, ethnicity or religion, you don’t have to understand at all. Regrettably, some people are bigoted and there isn’t much you can do to change that. Sometimes grandchildren do the trick, but usually once a racist always a racist. All you can do is ignore their hate and live your own life. It can be very painful, but just keep reminding yourself that you don’t have the problem, they do. Hopefully between your friends and your fiance’s side of the family, you’ll have plenty of people to share your joy with. Surround yourself with these happy, positive folks and enjoy your wedding planning!