Advice From a Groom

Good Lord, This one is a humdinger. A story of my wedding day. A cautionary tale for those who haven’t done it yet, but who may decide for Some odd reason that They want to wreck their happiness with a harrowing day like No other.

(Gonna Have to duck from flying cutlery after my wife reads that last bit.)

Seriously, though. A tale of derring doofus from a man who forgot his brain on his wedding day….and the day before for that matter. Ask questions before you get married. And more than just do I really want to do this? The reason for this statement from me is fairly simple. I didn’t. Let’s go the night before the wedding, at the rehearsal, at church. I notice a few things, like we aren’t really going through too much of the ceremony. Being an idiot, and a semi stressed one at that,I go along in what can only be called an unthinking manner. when I say “not too much of the ceremony”, I should be more specific. None of it, besides the order of who’s walking up the aisle when and who’s gonna have the rings. I remember nothing else. There may have been more but I was busy not knowing what the hell I was doing to ask any questions.

Fast forward to The wedding day. It’s 3:10, only a few minutes late, and things are going smoothly…my wife walks up and I realize she’s gonna have issues with the train of her wedding gown, she’s walking right up the middle of the aisle, between the chairs, rather than around the side. There I am moving chairs around making sure nothing catches her dress. A very small indicator that things will soon go very very wrong.

We then do the candle lighting, It goes smoothly, I only shake visibly for a few moments. Nice. At least we didn’t drop the extra long match and burn down the church…. maybe we can get throught this without incident.

Oh no. Nothing’s ever that easy.

Before the vows, He asks questions. I’m in a fog. The first time he asks, I miss it. He hadn’t asked me questions or told me there would be any! I wasn’t ready for an exam!!! He had to prompt me for an answer, and tell me what I was supposed to say. I wasn’t ready for questions because I hadn’t asked about it the night before. He tells me to answer “yes” to the next few questions. I do. Thinking That “YES” Would be the right way to answer any question, He goes to the vows and asks “Will you take Sue, to be your lawfully wedded wife….” Guess what I answer.

YES!

The Whole place, under their breath says “Mike, you’re supposed to say “I do”.

I don’t know If I turned all the colors of the rainbow, But I’m sure I hit several of them right at that moment from sheer embarrassment. All because I didn’t ask questions. Let’s see, Oh Yeah, The Deacon screwed Up the Order on things, and we had rings on our fingers before the vows. And not knowing any better, BECAUSE I HADN’T ASKED, I put the ring on the wrong finger. I figure I should get a pass on this because I don’t wear jewelry. At all, until that moment anyway. But my mother decided to whisper to me that It was on the wrong hand. I missed what she said.

The church went silent and everyone heard her repeat “The ring’s on the wrong finger”

I think I turned several colors there as well. I may have hit more colors then they have in the rainbow that day.

So if yer getting married. ASK QUESTIONS. Ask EVERYONE questions. About everything. Even if It sounds silly. I’m guessing it’s easier to feel stupid for asking a silly question before the wedding than find out you should have asked questions afterwards.

Submitted by: Mike